Teach Me
by snowxflight
Summary: Teach me how to love; show me the way to surrender my heart, boy I'm so lost. Teach me how to love; how I can get my emotions involved.  Teach me...show me how to love
1. Prologue

**Wah...wahh..wuhhh**. **I haven't updated in forever. I know. But I kind of lost all inspiration back then because something happened in my family and it made me focus on things that are most important to me. But anyways I got my inspiration back, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to write from the stories I have already started. **

**And trust me, I don't think I'll _ever _run out of inspiration for this story :/**

**So here's a new story. Sorry if it's a little choppy; I suddenly got inspiration out of nowhere and whipped this out real quick. I changed ideas about three different times while I was writing it, but you'll get the feel for it.  
><strong>

**Yes, it is Niley:) **

**No, it is not a teacher-student relationship. Read the prologue and song at the end and you'll understand. **

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><p><em>To get a better feel for this, listen to teachme by Musiq Soulchild while you're listening. The lyrics are also at the end if you don't feel like it lol<em>

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><p>I want to feel <em>something<em>.

There's always going to be the man in my life that I _want_ to love. With all of my heart, I want to love him. He's sweet, good looking, makes good money, and most importantly, I'm his world. But for some reason, I can't return the love. I try and try, but there's just nothing. We break up and make up, but it's still always the same feelings. Nada. An empty void occupied by a little guy in a faraway distance who screams out "friendship!" every time my lips touch his.

All of my family tells me, "he's the one!" but my all-knowing best friends constantly question me as to why I don't like him. I can't answer their questions though because I don't know the answer myself. And I can't figure out why. Because I want to love _him_. I know he'd be perfect for me. That'd we'd go off and get married, have kids, and live a beautiful and prosperous life together. A life that I've dreamed of ever since I saw my first Disney movie. I know my heart would be safe and that'd he'd never leave me. My future would be set.

Well maybe that's the problem. Maybe I don't want to live the fairy tale life. Maybe I want to live on the edge, date a bad boy who'll take me on the ride of my life and then most likely dump me when he meets his newest whore. But you know what, that's okay, because at least that would make me _feel_. Every night would be an adventure; he'd keep me guessing and wouldn't be so predictable. Maybe he'd help me finally discover what it feels like to love.

Maybe he'd help me feel _anything_ but what I feel now. I wouldn't have to put on a fake smile, float through a relationship, grit my teeth and think of something else during sexual encounters. I wouldn't have to respond back _I love you_ without knowing what it really feels like. Without feeling terrible because I know he means it, but I don't.

Yet there's always going to be another little man in the back of my mind, constantly reminding me that I could do better. That I could be off with Mr. Romantic and that Bad Ass is a waste of my time.

There's always going to be my ego, loving the way Mr. Romantic swoons over me and always comes crawling back.

There's always going to be my hormones, going crazy every time Bad Ass does and I do something knew.

There's always going to be my eyes, frantically opening during every kiss with every guy because those fireworks just don't go off inside me. In fact, I'm not even sure if those fireworks are real. I think they're a myth, like Lochness and Big Foot, because I sure as hell have never felt them.

There's always going to be the thrill of the chase, ruined as soon as things start to settle down.

There's always going to be those walls I put up that make me believe I do love Mr. Romantic, only to have them torn down when Bad Ass comes around. Those walls that protect my heart but at the same time leave me perfectly vulnerable. Nice job they're doing.

There's always going to be my brain, trying to sort out the mess in my head. Trying to send signals down to my heart, only to have them snatched up by something inside me on the way.

I'm stuck and I don't know which way is right. I don't know the difference between my heart and my head, don't know if they agree or disagree, don't know what _love_ is. Most people say their head and their heart tell them different things, but I think they're wrong. I think my heart and brain been working together all along, but there's another part of me that doesn't want them to. It's like that one friend that always ruins the moment and cock-blocks you when you're on your date…sort of.

I don't know if I should trust the die hard lust I feel for Bad Ass.

I don't know if I should trust my feelings that I would die to save Mr. Romantic.

I wish I could switch places with someone. Just for a day, half a day, an hour. Just to feel what love feels like. To know if it's anything I've ever experienced, or if it's something entirely different. Because I have no idea what it is.

Who's to say what I have with Mr. Romantic is love, and I just don't know it?

Who's to say what I have with Bad Ass is love, and I just don't know it?

I don't know.

I need someone to teach me.

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><p>I was told the true definition of a man was to never cry<br>Work till you tired (yeah) got to provide (yeah)  
>Always be the rock for my fam, protect them by all means<br>(and give you the things that you need, baby)  
>Our relationship is (suffering) trying to give you (what I never had)<br>**You say I don't know to love you baby  
>Well I say show me the way<br>I keep my feelings (deep inside I)  
>Shadow them (with my pride eye)<br>I'm trying desperately baby just work with me**

**Teach me how to love  
>Show me the way to surrender my heart, girl I'm so lost<br>Teach me how to love  
>How I can get my emotions involved<br>Teach me, show me how to love  
>Show me the way to surrender my heart, girl I'm lost<br>Teach me how to love  
>How I can get my emotions involved<br>Teach me, how to love  
><strong>  
>I was always taught to be strong<br>never let them think you care at all  
>Let know one get close to me<br>Before (you and me)  
>I den' shared things wit chu girl about my past<br>That I'd never tell to anyone else (no)  
>Just keep it to myself, (yes)<br>**Now I know I lack affection and expressing my feelings  
>It took me a minute to come and admit this but<br>See I'm really try'na (change now)  
>Wanna love you better, (show me how)<br>I'm tryin desperately baby hey**

**Teach me how to love  
>Show me the way to surrender my heart, girl I'm so lost<br>Teach me how to love  
>How I can get my emotions involved<br>Teach me, show me how to love  
>Show me the way to surrender my heart, girl I'm so lost<br>Teach me how to love  
>How I can get my emotions involved<br>Teach me, how love  
><strong>  
>Ain't nobody ever took the time to try to teach me what (love was but you)<br>And I ain't never trust anyone enough to let em tell me (what to do)  
>Teach me how to show it and show me how to love you baby<br>(Teach me please just show me yeah)  
>Cause I'm (willing)<br>To let (go) of my (fears) girl I'm (serious)  
>About (all that I've said)<br>**Girl I (wanna love you) with (all my heart)  
>Baby show me where to start<strong>

**Teach me how to love  
>Show me the way to surrender my heart, girl I'm so lost<br>Teach me how to love  
>How I can get my emotions involved<br>Teach me, show me how to love  
>Show me the way to surrender my heart, girl I'm so lost<br>Teach me how to love  
>How I can get my emotions involved<br>Teach me, how love**

Girl just teach me how to love you better  
>You know I wanna love you better girl<p> 


	2. Chapter 1

**I wrote this a while back, and completely forgot about it:/**

**Sorry if the tenses switch between past/present. I wrote the story in past tense at first, then decided i didn't like it and went through and changed it all. So just a heads up if the tenses are messed up. I also realized I made some grammatical/spelling errors in the trailer. Sorry! I normally go through and try and fix plaything, but hey, i'm only human**

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><p><em>Miles... <em>my new text from Aria reads. I knew it couldn't be good the second I saw it. You know those feelings you get in the pit of your stomach when you feel like something bad is about to happen? That's what I was feeling right now.

_What is it?_ I reply back. I chew at my nails nervously while I watch TV, checking my phone every few seconds for a new message.

Suddenly my screen lights up, generating a preview for Aria's text. I slide my finger across my iPhone to unlock it, quickly entering my 4 digit code. I curse when "wrong password" flashes in red, telling me to try again. I take a deep breath and slowly type my password in, silently praying that my instincts were wrong. I was right, however, because when I read the full text, my heart drops.

_Last night at Travis' party nick was really drunk and was saying things..._ I bit my lip and shake my head. Nick always gets plastered at parties, but not in a good way. He was a sloppy drunk and someone always ended up taking care of him; most of the time I was the one taking care of him. He also said whatever came to his mind, and once again, unfortunately, most of the time it was about me.

How do I know this? You see, Nick and I have been on and off since sophomore year, but he's liked me since 8th grade. I've taken care of him at more than one party and listened to his drunken rants, even when we were broken up. It's a good thing he barely remembers anything or he'd be really embarrassed. Or upset. He once spent a whole concert crying to me about how I didn't love him, how he loved me so much and the one person who matters the most didn't like him back. I don't think he would have been able to take my halfhearted responses and reassurances of my love for him had he been sober.

Not that it mattered. I broke up with him for the...fourth? Yeah I think fourth time about a week later.

But that was during the summer, and during my senior year, we'd broken up two more times. Right now we were off, but I could tell lately he wanted to be back on. And Aria's text just confirmed it.

_...what was he saying?_ I ask her, almost afraid to see the answer. Inside, I already knew what it was though. I have this weird intuition with Nick, which is great at times, but horrible at others.

She texts back so fast that I don't even have to retype my password to unlock my phone. _He was telling me how you guys went to dinner the other day and that he compares every girl to you_

I sigh and instantly feel like shit. Yes, nick and I had been talking lately and we did go to dinner...but in my opinion, just as friends. _...he would_ I text back and slide my phone in my pocket. I don't even wanna know what else he said right now. I'll just face the music later and then weigh my options from there.

It's not that I don't like Nick, because I do...sometimes. The other times I hate his guts and think he's so annoying. But I will always, always care about him, which is why I take care of him at parties and why we always end up getting back together. I'm not entirely sure, but I think I mistake my caring for real affection. I get screwed over when it goes away I'm stuck in a relationship that I don't wanna be in with a boy who's madly in love with me and will never stop pursuing me.

It's kind of flattering if you think about it.

But now, I think I've moved on and like this new kid that I've been hanging out with: Jesse. He's different, but a good different.

Nick gets really jealous and always asks me about what's going on with Jesse, but I always shrug it off and say it's nothing. The truth is I want it to be so much more; I'm just too much of a chicken to put myself out there. I guess that's what happens when you've been in a relationship with someone for as long as I have. I always know Nick will come back so I never get worried when he hooks up with someone else.

Egotistical? I know; but it's true. He actually brags about hooking up with girls in front of my face just to get me jealous. The truth is though, I could care less. I just want him to be happy, and if he's happy with another girl, so be it.

Anyways, enough of my Nick problem and let's get back to my Jesse problem. I'm afraid. There, I said it. I don't normally admit my feelings, but it's true. Sometimes I think Jesse likes me, like how he keeps asking me what's going on between Nick and me. Then other times I'm not so sure. He's not the type of person to be in a relationship and that scares me, because I am.

You see, while Nick has his all-American, sporty, student council president, persona, Jesse has his in a bad, smokes cigarettes, and whatever attitude. And I've never been in a relationship like that...ever. I've always gone for the preppy jocks who wear kakis, not the punk rocker who wears skinny jeans. The only similarity is that they're both really nice guys.

Nice or not, I still don't know how to read Jesse, like...at all. With Nick, well, I know him like the back of my hand. Jesse...not so much, which is probably why I'm so into him right now. He's something new, something that I have to figure out instead of knowing what's going to happen. It's not that Nicks boring, because he's not; I'm just too used to him, I guess.

However, here comes the problem. No matter how much I say I'm not into Nick, something inside me says I still am. For example, I somehow find a way to bring him into the conversation every time I hang out with Jesse. Why? I don't know. It just happens. Yet whenever I'm with Nick, I would rather be with Jesse. Weird, right?

The romantics say the heart wants what the heart wants; to _listen to your heart_. Well fuck me, I have no idea what that means because I don't know what, or who, I want.

The smart ones say listen to your logic if you want to get out safe. Well what if I don't know which one is safer?

There has to be something, some special organ that can tell me what I want- not the special organ you're thinking of, ya dirty freak- that will help me figure out love, cause right know, I know as much about love as I do about the anatomy of a hippopotamus.


End file.
